Friday, December 4, 2009
Not long ago, it would've been a little hard for me to admit that "I need people" in my life. I had this outlook where I wanted to be isolated, left alone, and do things my way. I don't think it is necessarily a wrong thing...maybe? it's just that the word independent was important to me. I might get a little personal here, but seeing how my moms lack of independence diminished when she met her ex-boyfriend, it motivated me more to divide from people and just live for myself. Her dependence on him resulted in us getting kicked out of his house and having to crash on people's couches too many times etc etc. She had to depend on him for money, the roof under our head, food, acceptance, and freedom. It was unstable. I was angry at my mom for her lack of independence. I would hope that one day she had a job to support us and leave him, so that we did not need to recieve help from anyone.
Then I believe this turned into a problem. I had taught Sunday school for 2 years, and when an issue arised, my intitial thought was that I needed to handle this on my own. I felt too ashamed to resort to other people for help because of my struggles. <-- This thought was so unhealthy. I was the one who needed help, helping myself was a bad idea. So that led to me doing a lot of wrong things, getting in a wrong relationship, and building resentment towards people. Just thinking about it, I wish that I could've asked for help.
Today I realized:
Out of all the living creatures on the planet Earth, people are thee most dependent creatures. We need each other, we were not created to live life by ourselves. We are creatures of relationships.
Because of my thoughts, (now this is turning into my spiritual issue) I was basically saying (without saying) that I didn't need God in my life. God created me to have a relationship with Him and to depend and trust in Him. And it may have taken me a year on my own to finally realize that I needed Him in my life, just after I fell into that dark corner.
+ So right now, I have come to accept that it is okay to admit that I need God in my life. Because of that, I can say that I need people in my life.
+ We are all different :o) Thank goodness! Every blogger that I have been following have unique characterisitcs of their own, and same with my friends. We are all created to be inter-dependent from one another. I am a listener and there is always a talker right? so that works out :o) There is someone who loves to lend a hand and there is someone who needs a lending hand.
+ "The eye cannot say to the hand that I have no need to you"
+ So because of this relevation today, I can't wait to start living with this outlook tomorrow :o)
+ I believe it's a great thing to adventure out on our own, but I also think it is a great thing to share that with people.
+ On a brighter side I went to the market last night and found these:
I was super excited because the Clif bars were $1 and the Trio was $0.99! and immediately thought of Lesley from Lesley lifting life and Allie from Live Laugh Eat, awesome-ness :o)
+ A while ago I got a regular coffee at Starbucks and told them to add pumpkin spice. It was gross. So I was hesitant to try the Spiced Pumpkin Pie from Clif, but with the influence of Allie, I got it. It was amazing! It was a shocker to my tongue.
+ So it made me think that maybe I should re-visit the Bucks' and get a Skinny Latte rather than coffee, and add the pumpkin spice. wooo! time to visit starbucks!
+ Then later after my workout I was starving, I reached for my a strawberry trio bar. I loved how crunchy + chewy it was. It was like eating a butterfinger, where you'd have leftovers stuck in your teeth (which isn't a bad thing) save the rest for later.
+ I got to rest and finish school work, I am excited for many things to come, especially the Starbucks.
Who or what do you need in your life currently and why?